Not sure really

I'm not sure what to be doing anymore. I know what I need to do but for some reason its like I don't have the energy to do it anymore. Summer can't come fast enough. And though you don't know me as well as I would have hoped... I haven't had inspiration to write lately and for me... thats huge! I've written a poem or two lately but that, again, is SERIOUSLY out of character. I NEVER write poetry because I suck at it... but lately its all I have had the drive to do. I'll try to write a new chapter of my book but it just takes so long for me to get my idea's onto the page, it's like I know exactly what I want to say and do but I can't remember how to illustrate it. Also I feel like my taste in music has completely changed but that is unrelated. I just really wish that I knew someone actually cared about what I have to say. I have started to feel like I'm writing for no one... honestly? I'm doubting myself. What if I never make it as an author and all the time, hard work and dedication just ends up being for nothing. My heart will break if no one ever gets to read my work. If there is one thing I want from life its for people to get to read my work. I can see my future so clearly and to have that constant fear in the back of my mind of what if I can't make it... its driving me crazy. So I guess I'll share with you what I see in my future.

I'm in my late twenties. I finished college two years ago and have been working at the local paper to earn ends meat. I have a loving boyfriend and my book has just been complete. I decide that I want to make the effort to get my book published so I contact every publisher I have ever heard of, I call in all my resources, I even ask my high school english teacher for advice. Finally a small publishing company hears about my book and thinks its interesting. They set up a meeting with me and we read over a few chapters. They are impressed and decide to grant my wish of becoming a published author. After a long year of editing and book promotions its finally that day, the day that my book is released.

Anything after that wouldn't even matter... so long as I reach that one goal. I honestly wouldn't mind if my book did god awful in stores... so long as a single person-who I'm not related to- likes my writing, my life will be complete. I guess you could say I have low standards for myself but unless you know exactly what you want to do in life-like me- you really can't understand the hunger I have for this. I would do most anything in the world to get to have any bit of my writing published. There really wasn't a point to this post but it did do something for me, it made me crave icecream and gave me back some of my drive.

Have a good monday night guys... I'm going to go write.